Worthiness… where it all begins!

I last wrote about Integrity, describing it as the glue like quality that keeps us stuck to our decisions and when those decisions are positive ones, they will lead us to a successful life.  Worthiness, then, is the base ingredient in that glue of Integrity. Without it, there is no bonding of our will, decisions, and actions to produce success.

The wonderfulness of  worthiness is one of the most awesome and effective things you can ever feel and, conversely, worthlessness one of the worst.  Let’s get the worst side of it out of the way so we can then concentrate on the wonderful.

Some people take their lives because they feel so worthless and, sometimes,  they are the last people you’d expect to be unhappy.  Look at Kurt Cobain & Michael Jackson.  Both were successful in the music business, rich & famous. You wonder, “How could they  feel worthless? They had it all and must have felt proud of their achievements.”  Unfortunately, their feelings of worthlessness overshadowed everything else, which ultimately resulted in their deaths — Kurt by suicide, Michael by long-term drug abuse and, finally, overdose.

I always find it so hard to believe when people with so much outward success and talent self destruct.  Some don’t end their lives, but instead  destroy their lives with drugs, abusive relationships, or ridiculous stupidity, that  is incomprehensible to most of us.  The truth is that when you’re famous and successful, the media amplifies all your faults and distributes your personal business globally and almost instantaneously. Although they do it grandly and in a well-publicized manner, celebrities are not the only people who self destruct. People from all income brackets and walks of life are not immune to self destruction. They are just more likely to go unnoticed.  I believe that for celebrities and people from all walks of life, feelings of worthlessness affect all areas of their lives, especially the big three:   Finances,  Weight Loss/Health, & Relationships.

Why do some people feel such a sense of self-worth that they are confident enough to create fascinatingly successful businesses and wealth, like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Donald Trump?  It’s not that they are any different from anyone else as far as actually being worthy.  We’re all on the same ground, all created equal. It’s definitely not looks! You won’t see this bunch on the cover of GQ, unless the magazine is featuring an article about money.  Hair definitely doesn’t matter; look at Donald.   There are ton’s of rags to riches stories, so it’s not that you need to start with a lot of  money.  What you need is to have the thoughts and belief in the fact you are worthy of being successful, before you actually see the results of success.

Weight loss, being healthy and physically fit, most of us seem to have a lot of trouble with this one.  The good thing is this is the one in the big three that you have complete control over, no one else involved other than your ego.  Being happy with your body is a major springboard for happiness & success in all areas of life, so it’s a perfect place to start.  When you feel good about the way you look, that feeling helps you with self-confidence and gives you motivation to improve other area’s of your life.  The issue again… why it’s so hard for some to become fit?  It all stems from a lack of worthiness.  When you totally feel worthy of  having the body & life you want, you will do what it takes and create it.

Love relationships, this one can be the most difficult, especially if you are lacking in the other two biggies.  When you don’t have a good job or your career  is not going well and you are unhappy with your body it puts extreme pressure on your relationship’s.  You will tend to rely on the other to fulfill what is missing in those other area’s of your life, which doesn’t work well at all.  You have to fulfill you!

Also, because you don’t feel good about yourself or have the finances to get out, you may start feeling like you’re stuck in an unhappy dead-end relationship. Then, if you add children into the mix,  it makes it feel like it’s next to impossible to do anything about it.  Some resign themselves to it and think, “This is the way it has to be,” suffering through it all and living unhappy lives.  Others self medicate to dull the pain, which is like putting a Band-aid on a wound that never heals.

At the root of all this unhappiness, from the most extreme expression of taking your own life, to less final examples like gaining weight, staying in a bad job or marriage, or simply just settling  for a mediocre existence, is a lack of worthiness.  It does not matter how rich or famous you are, if you feel unworthy of the things you have, you will not be happy.  The opposite is also true.

So you have to ask yourself, “If I don’t feel I am worthy of a happy life, who is worthy then?”  No one is any more or less worthy than YOU! So, please, if you think you don’t deserve to be happy in all areas of life, start today by realizing that you are wrong!

The more you truly believe that you deserve to have happiness, the more happy you will be.  It’s that simple!  Not easy, but simple, and worth the effort required to embed that belief.  You see, we create all beliefs by the thoughts we continue to think most.  So to start creating the life you want, you must  continually remind yourself that you are worthy of it. The more worthy you feel, the sooner you will live the results of your new beliefs.

It’s time to get selfish, the healthy kind that says, “I matter and I am going to do what it takes for me to be happy, because if I am happy, I can help all others around me do the same.” Only by being what you wish to see in others will you be able to effectively help anyone else. You attract what you are being & feeling. That emotional energy attracts people, situations & things to you, that will assist you in what you desire.  If you are giving off non-worthy vibes, you will simply attract more things into your life to feel not worthy about.

Start by envisioning  what you want — the body, job, career, relationship, or whatever is most important to you now.  See it in your mind; experience it like you are watching a 30-second movie of which you are the star; feel what your desire actually will feel like; then put those thoughts into words and continually repeat them to yourself and soon you will be living that starring role!

 If you always expect the best out of yourself and life, you will get it!  You deserve to have it all. Never forget that! 

The Big Question of Life…

Is not the biggest question of life, “How do I become happier?”  I mean, to keep it simple, isn’t that what we all want?  It’s even written in The American Declaration of Independence:

“All men are created equal, That they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, That among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

The life and liberty parts are not issues for most of us; the happiness part is clearly a different story.  Most of us tell the same old story: we don’t actually seek happiness, but instead seek the best ways to avoid the negative. The Declaration would be more applicable if it read: “The pursuit away from negativity!” Think about it! How many times have these questions crossed your mind?
Why are some people so negative all the time?

How do I deal with negative people or situations, so they don’t bring  me down?

How do I live or work with a grouchy negative person without wanting to kill them?  (a little drastic, but I bet it has crossed your mind a time or two)

There are three ways to approach these situations. The first option is the easiest to do and works instantly… escape!  Get away as fast as you can. Run for your life! This method is simple, fast, and effective, especially for short-term relationships, such as someone you just met in a business or personal situation, a friend of a friend, etc.

Although the negative person is still negative, you won’t be subject to it anymore.  That’s why it is great for someone you will hardly ever see or never see again. Escape is also sometimes appropriate for a long-term relationship that is beyond repair. Sometimes, it is better to part ways, allowing each person to have a clean start in a different direction. This is a judgement call best made after the next two methods have been tried.

Because we have long-term relationships, escape is frequently not an option. We need to delve into how can we be happy around the not-so-happy people that are in our lives and are likely to remain in our lives, such as our spouses, family members, friends, and co-workers.  These situations are more difficult to handle and leave us with two basic options: confront or let it be!

First, let’s tackle confrontation.  When you confront someone for being negative, it is like flipping a coin. You basically have a 50% chance to come up heads (where you both win) or tails (where the confronted person becomes angry, increasing their negativity.) Be careful about how you approach your confrontation. If you confront someone because you just can’t take their negativity anymore, your frustration with them may come across as a personal attack, which causes defensiveness and denial of the negative behavior. As a result, no positive change occurs and the negative person basically goes on ignoring your “helpful” observation of their attitude.  (Just a little sarcasm on that last part)

If that flip of the confrontational coin lands heads up and they are receptive to their “unknown to them” negativity, you may trigger an awareness, which alone may be enough for them to work on changing their attitude.  I have found that most people who are negative don’t realize they are. If you are able to point out their negativity with their well-being in mind, without frustration, it can create big attitude changes, as long as they recognize that they want to be happy.  Unfortunately, some people don’t care and that’s when the first option (escape) may be the best choice for you.

The last and most effective option that works well with all types of people and in most situations is to let it be!  This is often the best option because if unhappy, negative, depressed, miserable people knew how not to be unhappy, negative, depressed, miserable people, they would be.  I’m not trying to assign blame. It is what it is, which does not release either party from responsibility.  First and foremost, you have the responsibility to yourself to do whatever it takes for you to be happy, in every situation. Likewise, other people are responsible for their own situations. Their negative behavior is for them to deal with, not you. You can only control how you react and, when you react to negativity, you give it power.  As it has been said, “They know not what they do,” so react accordingly. Don’t take it personally!  Whatever someone else is angry, negative, or depressed about is not about you.  It is about something going on within them.  Because they just don’t know how to deal with it, they project outward to whoever is closest, which gives their negativity more energy and actually validates their unhappiness!

The best anyone of us can do in any situation is our best, no more and no less. Although you have the options to escape from or confront a negative person, in many cases the best approach for your own well-being is to let it be. Stay calm, give the negative energy no power, ignore it, and take the steps that you need to for your own happiness as soon as possible.

The most powerful response to anything negative is no response at all. Great power is in the silence of the mind!

Once you realize the fact that everyone is doing the best they know how to at this moment, all your relationships, big & small will change!

All negative thought-feeling is not real, only seems real because we give it our energy-focus. Let it be, let it go, let in the good

When you forgive someone, you are not releasing them, you are releasing your self from negative thought & emotion!

ego!… Energy Gone Obscene! Part II

ego! Part I was all about the what and the why of the ego we all have. Part II is how to live and play nice with IT! 

The first step in playing nice with our egos is realizing it is part of us, but not us.  Ego is not who or what we are!  Truly we are Spiritual beings living a human experience and only have forgotten that fact, because the ego we acquired has hidden it from us. Hiding our true selves from us is the ego’s main mission and once that is realized it will start losing its grip and slowly fade into the background.

The trick or secret to making the ego fade away is the consistency of being aware as soon as possible when it acts up, which it does a lot and very subtly sometimes.  Luckily, we all come with  a PGS –  Personal Guidance System –  built in… our emotions’ feelings. Sometimes the guidance is a pleasant reminder to check your course and other times it will punch you in the face to let you know you are not on the right course.  This is where consistency plays a big role in keeping you from getting punched. You just have to be aware early enough of the pleasant reminders and adjust your attitude  immediately to prevent from getting to far out of whack or punched!  Anytime you are not feeling some form of love of yourself or anyone else, that is ego… Also having a negative thought is the ego and this is where it’s most effective to catch it before it gets out of hand.

When a negative thought suddenly appears in your head, just being  aware of it and knowing  it’s not you, but the  phantom self talking, weakens it.  The ego only has power when you believe you are the cause of  the thoughts. When we don’t blame ourselves for the negative thoughts we are having and then combine that with not blaming anyone else for what they are saying  to us, life becomes enjoyable to live. Now I know what you are thinking, if no one is to blame, then who is responsible?  We are all in a way responsible. There are consequences for all our our actions.  But it is only our own actions for which we are responsible.

What anyone else says or does is theirs to deal with, not ours to take personally, and better not to.  Negativity from anybody is purely a reflection of what’s going on in side of them. If they knew how not to be negative, they wouldn’t be!

We all have our own lives to live and the best thing we can all do, to live it well, is to consistently become aware of what the ego is saying to us, smile at it, let it be and re-focus on something that we feel good about.  

ego… Energy Gone Obscene! Part I

ego! It’s the biggest part of us all that is the cause of the life we are living and yet, for most of us, we know very little about what ego is!  Now,  I am not talking about what most of us call ego, that proud part of us that boasts.   Yes, that is ego, but just a smidgen of what the real ego is!  What I’m referring to is this phantom  persona we started acquiring around the age of two.

Around that time we started to stop realizing who/what we really are!  We were being told, “No, you can’t do what makes you happy anymore, like being curious and playing with everything you can get your hands on.” I understand some of that is required for our safety, outlets, cleaners, stake knives, etc. But for the first time in our new lives we were being scolded and didn’t know why.

I can’t remember exactly what I was thinking when I was two, but I bet it was something like…why are these giants who were so nice to me, giving me food and whipping my butt when demanded, now yelling at me, causing me to have this weird feeling I’ve never felt before, which was fear. That is when the phantom self appeared. We were told you are bad, you are now good, you must listen to me and do as I say,  it doesn’t matter if you like it or not this is your role. I am mother, father, brother, sister, friend, teacher, etc. and you are little and don’t know what you are doing.  We will let you know who you are, we will help create the phantom self/ego, because that is what was done for us.

No reason to blame anyone, because they would have to then blame everyone that contributed to their ego and on and on… it is what it is and if anyone knew how to not make mistakes, they would never make a mistake.  It’s all just a part of this Life we are living. That’s the foundation to overcoming the ego. The ego is what it is, but don’t feed it any energy by believing what it is saying. Just observe the odd, sometimes scary and  negative ego self talk, sometimes known as thinking. Just by being aware that this negative talk isn’t really you, but this made up ego, takes power away from it and is the beginning of overcoming the grip of the phantom self-ego!  What I call Energy Gone Obscene.

“When you unlearn what your learned growing up, is when you really learn what life is all about”