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Worthiness… where it all begins!

I last wrote about Integrity, describing it as the glue like quality that keeps us stuck to our decisions and when those decisions are positive ones, they will lead us to a successful life.  Worthiness, then, is the base ingredient in that glue of Integrity. Without it, there is no bonding of our will, decisions, and actions to produce success.

The wonderfulness of  worthiness is one of the most awesome and effective things you can ever feel and, conversely, worthlessness one of the worst.  Let’s get the worst side of it out of the way so we can then concentrate on the wonderful.

Some people take their lives because they feel so worthless and, sometimes,  they are the last people you’d expect to be unhappy.  Look at Kurt Cobain & Michael Jackson.  Both were successful in the music business, rich & famous. You wonder, “How could they  feel worthless? They had it all and must have felt proud of their achievements.”  Unfortunately, their feelings of worthlessness overshadowed everything else, which ultimately resulted in their deaths — Kurt by suicide, Michael by long-term drug abuse and, finally, overdose.

I always find it so hard to believe when people with so much outward success and talent self destruct.  Some don’t end their lives, but instead  destroy their lives with drugs, abusive relationships, or ridiculous stupidity, that  is incomprehensible to most of us.  The truth is that when you’re famous and successful, the media amplifies all your faults and distributes your personal business globally and almost instantaneously. Although they do it grandly and in a well-publicized manner, celebrities are not the only people who self destruct. People from all income brackets and walks of life are not immune to self destruction. They are just more likely to go unnoticed.  I believe that for celebrities and people from all walks of life, feelings of worthlessness affect all areas of their lives, especially the big three:   Finances,  Weight Loss/Health, & Relationships.

Why do some people feel such a sense of self-worth that they are confident enough to create fascinatingly successful businesses and wealth, like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Donald Trump?  It’s not that they are any different from anyone else as far as actually being worthy.  We’re all on the same ground, all created equal. It’s definitely not looks! You won’t see this bunch on the cover of GQ, unless the magazine is featuring an article about money.  Hair definitely doesn’t matter; look at Donald.   There are ton’s of rags to riches stories, so it’s not that you need to start with a lot of  money.  What you need is to have the thoughts and belief in the fact you are worthy of being successful, before you actually see the results of success.

Weight loss, being healthy and physically fit, most of us seem to have a lot of trouble with this one.  The good thing is this is the one in the big three that you have complete control over, no one else involved other than your ego.  Being happy with your body is a major springboard for happiness & success in all areas of life, so it’s a perfect place to start.  When you feel good about the way you look, that feeling helps you with self-confidence and gives you motivation to improve other area’s of your life.  The issue again… why it’s so hard for some to become fit?  It all stems from a lack of worthiness.  When you totally feel worthy of  having the body & life you want, you will do what it takes and create it.

Love relationships, this one can be the most difficult, especially if you are lacking in the other two biggies.  When you don’t have a good job or your career  is not going well and you are unhappy with your body it puts extreme pressure on your relationship’s.  You will tend to rely on the other to fulfill what is missing in those other area’s of your life, which doesn’t work well at all.  You have to fulfill you!

Also, because you don’t feel good about yourself or have the finances to get out, you may start feeling like you’re stuck in an unhappy dead-end relationship. Then, if you add children into the mix,  it makes it feel like it’s next to impossible to do anything about it.  Some resign themselves to it and think, “This is the way it has to be,” suffering through it all and living unhappy lives.  Others self medicate to dull the pain, which is like putting a Band-aid on a wound that never heals.

At the root of all this unhappiness, from the most extreme expression of taking your own life, to less final examples like gaining weight, staying in a bad job or marriage, or simply just settling  for a mediocre existence, is a lack of worthiness.  It does not matter how rich or famous you are, if you feel unworthy of the things you have, you will not be happy.  The opposite is also true.

So you have to ask yourself, “If I don’t feel I am worthy of a happy life, who is worthy then?”  No one is any more or less worthy than YOU! So, please, if you think you don’t deserve to be happy in all areas of life, start today by realizing that you are wrong!

The more you truly believe that you deserve to have happiness, the more happy you will be.  It’s that simple!  Not easy, but simple, and worth the effort required to embed that belief.  You see, we create all beliefs by the thoughts we continue to think most.  So to start creating the life you want, you must  continually remind yourself that you are worthy of it. The more worthy you feel, the sooner you will live the results of your new beliefs.

It’s time to get selfish, the healthy kind that says, “I matter and I am going to do what it takes for me to be happy, because if I am happy, I can help all others around me do the same.” Only by being what you wish to see in others will you be able to effectively help anyone else. You attract what you are being & feeling. That emotional energy attracts people, situations & things to you, that will assist you in what you desire.  If you are giving off non-worthy vibes, you will simply attract more things into your life to feel not worthy about.

Start by envisioning  what you want — the body, job, career, relationship, or whatever is most important to you now.  See it in your mind; experience it like you are watching a 30-second movie of which you are the star; feel what your desire actually will feel like; then put those thoughts into words and continually repeat them to yourself and soon you will be living that starring role!

 If you always expect the best out of yourself and life, you will get it!  You deserve to have it all. Never forget that! 

Integrity… the Key Ingredient to a Delicious Life.

Will power, decisions, choices, actions, habits —  these are the steps that create the life you see and experience.  Integrity is the overall quality that makes it possible to live the life you desire.

I have been thinking a lot lately why one person is successful, but another person with equal capabilities fails. What accounts for the difference?  I see this disparity in everything, from weight loss, relationships, career to overall happiness in life.  Take weight loss/fitness, for example. For the most part,  we all start on almost equal footing. It’s not a money issue: it doesn’t matter how much money you have, because exercise is free and the less you spend on food, possibly the better.

Why then do so many people have a problem with losing weight while others don’t?  A lot of people say it’s due to the lack of will power,  but I say that’s not the case.  Will power is just the first step;  it’s our true selves/soul communicating with us to make a positive change.  Most of us listen to that inner soul talk and have the will to want to make the improvement it suggests. It’s after that first step that people start getting tripped up.

Others will say it’s lack of motivation:  not having written goals, emotional eating,  lack of portion control,  too busy to eat right or  not enough time to exercise.   All just excuses. Excuses are nothing more than lies we tell ourselves to temporarily alleviate the guilt we feel when we avoid good habits, allowing procrastination to set in.

I believe what holds most people back from doing the things they know will bring success is integrity!  I’m referring to the quality of having personal integrity, seeing yourself as worthy of being happy in all areas of life.  When you see and feel worthy of losing weight and being fit, you will do what it takes to accomplish your goal.  That also goes for getting out of a dead end job or an equally burdensome  current love relationship.

It really applies to all areas of life big and small, like being dependable when you schedule time with friends, giving to charity, spending quality time with family, avoiding cheating on your taxes, etc. (Sorry that last one should have nothing to do with this topic)  Some say integrity is doing what you say, even when no one is watching. Really,  it is far greater then that and it begins with our inner self talk.

Basically, when you hear that calm inner voice that just feels right,  it guides you to the best decisions about your current situation.  That voice is the soul speaking.  When we listen to that voice and say, “Yes, I am going to make a change,”  that is our will power urging us to make a decision. These decisions become positive choices about the actions we will take. In due time, those actions become habits which will create a new reality.

Integrity is the glue that hold it all together.  It will keep you stuck to your decision, help you make sound choices, give you the energy for your actions and create effective habits that will put you at a happy place in your life.  To have the glue of integrity, you must feel you truly deserve and are worthy to be thin & fit, successful in your profession or loved & happy in your relationships.

Worthiness is the foundation of integrity. Add that to passion and you have the perfect recipe to make your life what you want.

PS. When someone is lacking integrity, they probably don’t feel worthy in that area or circumstance of their life.

God/Source creates all living beings worthy of enjoying every thing life has to offer.  It’s up to You to make that true!

The Big Question of Life…

Is not the biggest question of life, “How do I become happier?”  I mean, to keep it simple, isn’t that what we all want?  It’s even written in The American Declaration of Independence:

“All men are created equal, That they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, That among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

The life and liberty parts are not issues for most of us; the happiness part is clearly a different story.  Most of us tell the same old story: we don’t actually seek happiness, but instead seek the best ways to avoid the negative. The Declaration would be more applicable if it read: “The pursuit away from negativity!” Think about it! How many times have these questions crossed your mind?
Why are some people so negative all the time?

How do I deal with negative people or situations, so they don’t bring  me down?

How do I live or work with a grouchy negative person without wanting to kill them?  (a little drastic, but I bet it has crossed your mind a time or two)

There are three ways to approach these situations. The first option is the easiest to do and works instantly… escape!  Get away as fast as you can. Run for your life! This method is simple, fast, and effective, especially for short-term relationships, such as someone you just met in a business or personal situation, a friend of a friend, etc.

Although the negative person is still negative, you won’t be subject to it anymore.  That’s why it is great for someone you will hardly ever see or never see again. Escape is also sometimes appropriate for a long-term relationship that is beyond repair. Sometimes, it is better to part ways, allowing each person to have a clean start in a different direction. This is a judgement call best made after the next two methods have been tried.

Because we have long-term relationships, escape is frequently not an option. We need to delve into how can we be happy around the not-so-happy people that are in our lives and are likely to remain in our lives, such as our spouses, family members, friends, and co-workers.  These situations are more difficult to handle and leave us with two basic options: confront or let it be!

First, let’s tackle confrontation.  When you confront someone for being negative, it is like flipping a coin. You basically have a 50% chance to come up heads (where you both win) or tails (where the confronted person becomes angry, increasing their negativity.) Be careful about how you approach your confrontation. If you confront someone because you just can’t take their negativity anymore, your frustration with them may come across as a personal attack, which causes defensiveness and denial of the negative behavior. As a result, no positive change occurs and the negative person basically goes on ignoring your “helpful” observation of their attitude.  (Just a little sarcasm on that last part)

If that flip of the confrontational coin lands heads up and they are receptive to their “unknown to them” negativity, you may trigger an awareness, which alone may be enough for them to work on changing their attitude.  I have found that most people who are negative don’t realize they are. If you are able to point out their negativity with their well-being in mind, without frustration, it can create big attitude changes, as long as they recognize that they want to be happy.  Unfortunately, some people don’t care and that’s when the first option (escape) may be the best choice for you.

The last and most effective option that works well with all types of people and in most situations is to let it be!  This is often the best option because if unhappy, negative, depressed, miserable people knew how not to be unhappy, negative, depressed, miserable people, they would be.  I’m not trying to assign blame. It is what it is, which does not release either party from responsibility.  First and foremost, you have the responsibility to yourself to do whatever it takes for you to be happy, in every situation. Likewise, other people are responsible for their own situations. Their negative behavior is for them to deal with, not you. You can only control how you react and, when you react to negativity, you give it power.  As it has been said, “They know not what they do,” so react accordingly. Don’t take it personally!  Whatever someone else is angry, negative, or depressed about is not about you.  It is about something going on within them.  Because they just don’t know how to deal with it, they project outward to whoever is closest, which gives their negativity more energy and actually validates their unhappiness!

The best anyone of us can do in any situation is our best, no more and no less. Although you have the options to escape from or confront a negative person, in many cases the best approach for your own well-being is to let it be. Stay calm, give the negative energy no power, ignore it, and take the steps that you need to for your own happiness as soon as possible.

The most powerful response to anything negative is no response at all. Great power is in the silence of the mind!

Once you realize the fact that everyone is doing the best they know how to at this moment, all your relationships, big & small will change!

All negative thought-feeling is not real, only seems real because we give it our energy-focus. Let it be, let it go, let in the good

When you forgive someone, you are not releasing them, you are releasing your self from negative thought & emotion!

The Labels We Accept.

The subject of “labels,” keeps popping into my thoughts a lot lately, so I thought I would start typing, and see what comes out. The labels I am so affectionately referring to <<insert sarcasm here>> are the ones that have been imposed on us, as well as the ones we impose on ourselves!  They  started, most of the time, before we were even born,  often change from time to time, and  are ongoing throughout our lives.

The first label is our name, which was given to us by people we just met, our wonderful parents!  Having the pressure of being labeled as parents-to-be, they probably spent a lot of time over the nine months while we were incubating going back in forth with each other,  reading many lists, trying to come up with the perfect name/label to capture in one word our title that we would be known as for the rest of our lives!

So, our first label  started with a lot of pressure to get it just right and we have continued refining that decision by self-imposing many sub-labels to ourselves. It started innocently enough.  As babies, we began doing things our parents liked, like crawling, saying incoherent words and then semi-incoherent words, onto actually speaking, eating, walking & going potty by ourselves. They loved all of that and gave us praise.  Those labels of praise were the effective labels that inspired us to do more of what we were told, which we labeled as good.

These helped us grow and begin to create the life we are meant to live.  These are not the labels that need explaining to understand what they do or don’t do when we adopt them.  Let’s label these labels, for lack of a better word, the “good” ones!

The ones we seem to need help with are all the other labels. These are the ineffective ones we accept, believe, and, consequently, try to live up to or down to. In most cases, we are unable to live up to them and that’s what causes problems.  The label itself is not bad or good; it’s the energy we put behind trying to  live up to those labels that causes challenges. Even calling ourselves a human can bring with it issues, of  what is it to be human!

Who decides what a “good” human is supposed to be like?  Many people would say God tells us through his word what a human should be.  I agree with that, insomuch as the word of God is the word that is in us all and it is our purpose in this life to figure out what God/universe is saying to us.

It does not matter what our parents, teachers, friends, family, media, politicians, religions or even we ourselves say about how or what a good human should act or be like.  It is up to each individual to find and learn for themselves, not what a human is, but what we all can BE!

Simple fix… don’t label yourself as anything.  Just live and enjoy what you are. Let everyone else try to figure out what that may be!

Being Comfortable with the Uncomfortable!

Happiness often begins with first being a little uncomfortable.  

Whenever you’re in a situation that feels uncomfortable to you, that feeling is coming from one of two places: either your soul communicating to you or your ego self communicating at you.

There are three general reasons why you would feel uncomfortable.  The first is the normal human response to danger… fire is hot, look both ways before crossing the street, don’t trust this person, etc.

The second is from the ego self, which stems from what I call false fear, which is a fear of something that is not true. This false fear mostly arises when we are assuming. When we assume, we usually assume the worst about some situation or person.  Have you noticed 9 times out of 9 we are wrong?!  Simple fix… stop assuming anything about anything!

The third type of discomfort also comes from our ego and is another type of false fear. It arises when we want to do something healthy for ourselves — physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Example: you want to work out to get in shape & lose weight, so you start thinking about how you really need to do so and decide you are going to start today. Then, the ego voice says, “You didn’t sleep well enough last night, so you probably won’t have a good workout.  Why not wait until tomorrow?”  That tomorrow turns into next week, next week into next month, and now that ego voice says, “You are too out of shape to work out; it will be too difficult; it’s much easier to lift the phone and order a pizza, followed by a big bowl of ice cream!”

If you are not comfortable with a little un-comfortableness when it first appears, it can spiral out of control!  The key is to determine what kind of discomfort you are feeling as soon as it arises.

The first kind is legitimate and pre-programmed. We use to keep ourselves safe; that one is obvious.

The second stems from assuming and we know now that assuming makes no sense.

The third one is a little tricky but easy to overcome, if you catch it as soon as the un-comfortablness arises. Once you do, you just have to determine what it stems from.  If it is something that is good for you, like exercising, eating healthier, reading, spending more time with loved ones, etc., then you should now see clearly that the tiny bit of un-comfortableness is well worth the payoff!

Funny thing about starting something new or making changes to something old — it always seems harder at first and then, after actually following through with the changes, you soon realize how easy it really is.  Secret to living a happy comfortable life… notice when the ego is talking, ignore it and move forward with what feels right!  Follow your heart/gut/soul/spirit/God, whatever you call that indescribable good feeling/intuition we all have. “It” will never let you down!


Foundation of Your Life.

Starting your day with a positive expectation is the foundation for the rest of your life.

Your first thoughts after waking set in motion what you are attracting to you right at that moment and what you attract at that moment sets out more intentions to God/universe to receive more of what you just experienced.

It’s like this… if you wake up to a loud alarm clock and think or actually do throw it across the room, mumble a couple expletives, then you have put out the request to receive more to curse about. You may now get up and smack your knee or toe into the bed post, find no toilet paper in the bathroom, run out of coffee, can’t find your keys, car won’t start, late for work, boss chews you out, you tell the boss off, lose your job, lose your spouse and on and on!  Now that was a little extreme, especially if it happened all in a day, but it does happen all the time —  it’s just spread out over months and years.

So starting your day with positive expectations is extremely important, unless you don’t like your job and spouse! Assuming that you do want to keep both and even enhance your experiences with them, setting the positive expectation for the day  starts before you fall asleep the night before.  It is difficult for most of us to wake up all bright eyed and bushy-tailed, instantly expecting great things to happen.  The key is setting that intention just before falling asleep.

While lying in bed, review the positives of your day with gratefulness, then intend to wake up refreshed with the expectation of something unexpectedly positive happening to you in the new day.  The key to that powerful bedtime ritual is having the feeling of gratefulness and combining that with the intention of something unexpected. The gratefulness will attract more to be grateful for.  The unexpectedness leaves it open for God/universe to give you what you “really need” and not what you may think will do the trick.

It is powerful and works extremely well, but don’t take my word for it!  Prove it to yourself; you will be glad you did and so will everyone else in your life!

P.S. Let me know about all the Awesomeness you start attracting in your life.